So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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