guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
