You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
