Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
