Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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