Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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