I'm going to jail i love you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
