i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
