for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize