Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize