If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
