I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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