I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
