Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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