he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize