talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
