I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There are leaves in my underwear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
