Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
