If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How does it feel to date your dad?
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