cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
