I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
