So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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