i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
