she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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