I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
