so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
