but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
