my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
