If i come over, it means nothing
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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