Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
