I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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