you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
