I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
