Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
