I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
