wat bout pragnant strippers??
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
