he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
soo... how was my night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
