Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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