I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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