he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
