M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
