Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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