fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
