There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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