did you get engaged???
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
