Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
