i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
ok first of all what the fuck
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