1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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