So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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