After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
