did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
