I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize