Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My bed smells like the plague
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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