after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
