walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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