so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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