My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
