Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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