this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
