so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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