Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
