I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
