Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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