i just had sex bonerless
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i've created a new STD.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
