this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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