oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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