I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
