Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
