You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
