I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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