just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
